This past Friday marked the first anniversary of my Mother's passing. It's surreal in so many ways - time truly does fly. But, this past year has been full of teachable moments for my children and myself. So, in honor of my Mom, I'm sharing my Top 5 Things I've Learned In A Year Without My Mom.
8/24/15 - #5 - Grief is A Sneaky Son-of-a-B%$@#
8/25/15 - #4 - Stuff is Just Stuff Until It Is A Memory
8/26/15 #3 - I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends and Family
8/27/15 #2 - Without Faith you Fail, Fall Flat, Fizzle, Flop & Flounder
#1 - My Mom Never Left Me
Friday, August 28th, was my Mother's 1 Year Anniversary in Heaven.
I fully intended to complete my "top 5 things I've learned since my mom died" blog series on the anniversary of her death. But, as my friend Meredith said earlier in the week, sometimes life gets in the way. I did post this on Instagram and Facebook! It kind of says it all - Friday was a yellow day!
8/24/15 - #5 - Grief is A Sneaky Son-of-a-B%$@#
8/25/15 - #4 - Stuff is Just Stuff Until It Is A Memory
8/26/15 #3 - I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends and Family
8/27/15 #2 - Without Faith you Fail, Fall Flat, Fizzle, Flop & Flounder
#1 - My Mom Never Left Me
Friday, August 28th, was my Mother's 1 Year Anniversary in Heaven.
I fully intended to complete my "top 5 things I've learned since my mom died" blog series on the anniversary of her death. But, as my friend Meredith said earlier in the week, sometimes life gets in the way. I did post this on Instagram and Facebook! It kind of says it all - Friday was a yellow day!
To put that post above in perspective: 1) Cailin hates wearing ANYTHING BUT DRESSES to school (and willing wore a t-shirt and shorts because it was yellow and really picked that Minnie on her own) 2) Thomas NEVER buys flowers and 3) I have the best friends on the planet (and yes the "yellow bottle of wine" is empty).
For those of you new to my story, #yellowpixiedust is the way that I choose to remember my Mom who lost a valiant fight with ovarian cancer in 2014. My Mom had a faith like no other that touched so many people, but she never understood the impact of her life. Before she died, I told her that I wanted God to give her the ability to look down from heaven and see "yellow pixie dust" over all of the lives she has impacted. How her perfectly timed greeting cards covered in scripture or Sunday School lessons or just her daily living inspired others and then they "pay it forward" and Mom's impact went on and on. So, since the day of her funeral when I asked everyone to wear yellow, until today, my mom shows up in my life in a flurry of yellow pixie dust.
This. This is the most important thing from the last year. That my Mom really didn't leave me. Sure, I cannot hug her or see her. She cannot make me my red velvet birthday cake on Tuesday. I'll never get another card or magazine-article-stuffed envelope from her covered in scripture. But my Mom never left me. In fact, sometimes I wonder if we are closer now than when she lived and breathed.
It's so, so, so many things. It was the flocks of robins that showed up too early this winter. It was the yellow flower "weeds" that were everywhere on our walks to school. And it was the yellow butterflies. The hundreds and hundreds of yellow butterflies that were never there before. The ones that showed up at the beach, the ones outside of my sister-in-law's window that just hung out and then came back to wish Andrew "Happy Birthday". The ones that show up at Tamira's house, that cross my path every single day and that showed up for all of Mama's friends on Friday.
For those of you new to my story, #yellowpixiedust is the way that I choose to remember my Mom who lost a valiant fight with ovarian cancer in 2014. My Mom had a faith like no other that touched so many people, but she never understood the impact of her life. Before she died, I told her that I wanted God to give her the ability to look down from heaven and see "yellow pixie dust" over all of the lives she has impacted. How her perfectly timed greeting cards covered in scripture or Sunday School lessons or just her daily living inspired others and then they "pay it forward" and Mom's impact went on and on. So, since the day of her funeral when I asked everyone to wear yellow, until today, my mom shows up in my life in a flurry of yellow pixie dust.
This. This is the most important thing from the last year. That my Mom really didn't leave me. Sure, I cannot hug her or see her. She cannot make me my red velvet birthday cake on Tuesday. I'll never get another card or magazine-article-stuffed envelope from her covered in scripture. But my Mom never left me. In fact, sometimes I wonder if we are closer now than when she lived and breathed.
It's so, so, so many things. It was the flocks of robins that showed up too early this winter. It was the yellow flower "weeds" that were everywhere on our walks to school. And it was the yellow butterflies. The hundreds and hundreds of yellow butterflies that were never there before. The ones that showed up at the beach, the ones outside of my sister-in-law's window that just hung out and then came back to wish Andrew "Happy Birthday". The ones that show up at Tamira's house, that cross my path every single day and that showed up for all of Mama's friends on Friday.
Thomas thought was crazy when I kept talking about the robins (Robins come every year, April) and yellow butterflies. But, when we landed in Orlando for vacation this summer and made our way to the pool at our Disney World Resort, what met us at our table when we were lathering the girls with sunscreen? A beautiful, perfectly 100% yellow butterfly. She flew around all of us in perfectly integral circles. Even my "doubting Thomas" said "Okay - that was weird." #yellowpixiedust
So on Friday my day started with this:
So on Friday my day started with this:
And ended with this (hint - Camden sang this at Mom's funeral and it is our anthem):
With all the other #yellowpixiedust in between. I totally overscheduled myself on Friday and then canceled it all (thank you to everyone who understood why). While working out at the Y, I watched another episode of Parenthood (how did Thomas and I not watch this in real time - OMG love this show). Does it shock ANYONE that the episode I was on this Friday from Season 2 was about the dead bird and Joel's mom in heaven????
These coincidences supported two things my friends had told me.
1) The hardest thing is the first year. Once you get through that, then you can figure out what your future is like without your mom. (Love you Colleen).
2) My Mom just wanted me to know that she's had a pretty great year. Heaven rocks!! (Thanks Lynn!)
So, it's time to move on. Time to stop marking the days by "lasts" and "firsts". Time to figure out what life is like in the second year on the planet without my mom. Time to stop writing about #yellowpixiedust and time to start spreading it
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