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Happy Birthday, Mom!

6/8/2015

7 Comments

 
PictureCelebrating Mom's 68th birthday at the Cabarrus Creamery!
Today would have been my Mom's 69th birthday. My Mom LOVED to celebrate birthdays. She never missed an opportunity to send a birthday card to a friend. She made cakes and cooked special meals. When I was in college, she made the trip up I-85 every year and introduced my Duke friends to the southern staple Red Velvet Cake before it became a couture cupcake. For most of my life, I remember that she took her birthday off from work so she could do something special. Birthdays were meant to be celebrated.  I can guarantee that if cancer would not have invaded our life two years ago, we would already be planning some type of spectacular trip or event for her 70th.

But cancer did come. An ugly, aggressive ovarian cancer that took my Mom to heaven 16 months after her diagnosis. It took her on August 28th, three days before my September 1st birthday. Even though I don't really remember it because I was still in the early stages of grief, I've already had my first birthday on this earth without my Mama. My wonderful friend Jennifer Plym, who lost her Mom weeks before I lost mine,  wrote an amazing blog on Mother's Day about all the firsts that were happening in her life that her Mom is missing.  I still cry when I read it because it's my story too. But, thanks to the joys of TimeHop and other memory apps, I've realized that there is also the pain of experiencing the first anniversary of the last events.

And that was May for me. May is a month that will always be hard. This year I got to "celebrate" the 2nd anniversary of my Mom's cancer diagnosis, my first Mother's Day without her and the first anniversary of the cancer relapse. That means from now until August 28th, I'm "celebrating" lasts. My Mom's last birthday celebration at Cabarrus Creamery, the last time she saw one of her granddaughters perform in a play or a talent show, the last time she visited my house . . . .the list goes on and on.

Lasts are terrifying. They mean the end, finished, over, no more second chances. It's totally cliché, but realizing you are at the anniversary of a "last event" really makes you stop and think what would you have done differently. I've always said Mom and I were so lucky. We knew that we were experiencing the last of each thing and I think we did it awesomely. But now she's gone and in this most perfect Heavenly place and I'm left here to grieve the fact that there will be no more firsts.

Life has shifted in an unchangeable way since my Mom died. Everything is different. It's so hard to pinpoint. It's not like we were besties who talked on the phone everyday like some of my friends. My Mom and I struggled with our relationship up until the end. I felt judged, she felt neglected. It was so far from perfect. But now she is everywhere. In the yellow flowers Cailin picks on our walk to school and robins that literally live on the fence outside our den window or follow us as we walk to school. It's her voice urging me to find the time to join the women at Dilworth Church and find Hope in the passages of Jeremiah.

My mother always encouraged me to write and was disappointed when I walked away from a journalism career. I never understood why my writing was so important to her until I gave her a Caringbridge Page to document her cancer journey. Then I saw it - my Mother's gift. Her ability to engage an audience and cultivate a readership. Her honesty in the details and her overarching faith. Her ability to connect with words. And then I saw our connection. One I hadn't seen before. And it's nudged and pushed and bugged at me until I'm here. Writing my first blog post on my Mom's birthday. Happy birthday, Mom. You win. I will write.

Love & Yellow Pixie Dust,

April

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7 Comments
NanceePropst
6/5/2015 09:33:19 pm

April, I think of you and your family often and how your life has changed. Your mom will never be forgotten.

Reply
Beth Ann Chiles link
6/5/2015 11:53:51 pm

Beautiful post, April. Time hip also reminded me recently of my last visit with your mom and it brought back a flood of memories. I think of you often and keep you in my prayers.

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donna boetig
6/6/2015 12:34:59 am

April, Good Morning,

You brought tears to me, again. Yes, you write beautifully --- and powerfully. ( Miss Betty was right.)

I understand every insight that you shared.

Love to you and your family,

-Donna

Reply
Susan Smith
6/6/2015 02:53:19 am

I think of Betty everyday. I had not realized how much she impacted my life until she was gone. I miss her so much. She often mentioned to me how inferior she felt because she did not achieve a higher education. She did not realize her spirit was her gift. She shared this spirit with everyone, and did not know the difference she made that a lot of highly educated people would never be able to do. I know she is celebrating her birthday in Heaven.

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Betsy Love
6/6/2015 03:15:25 am

Writing is cathartic. I know from experience. I kept a journal for 5 years after my funny, insightful, tender hearted, caring, protective, and infinitely loving mother left me behind here as a result of stomach cancer. The last thing she said to me as life slipped away from her was "You'll never know how proud of you I was". The thought still makes me tear up and she died April 17, 1996. You are talented, and your mother saw it and encouraged it. Now, go for it as my talented writer/cousin posted on Facebook.

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Lynn Tesh
6/7/2015 01:06:13 pm

Among others, you do have two special gifts- compassion and transparency. Thank you for being so open about your relationship with your mom and the discoveries (growth) you are experiencing through your life experiences. This blog will be a blessing to you and to others. You are in my prayers as you finish out the year of "lasts", but do not forget to anticipate the joy of the final one...the last time you will ever be separated from your mom and your Savior. Love to you and your family.

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Glenda Baker
6/8/2015 12:20:15 am

April, your Mom was and still is a blessing to many. Chris B. who is
teaching The Chi Rho Sunday School Class at Epworth UMC where
your Mom was our inspiration and guide for so many years, often
says on Sunday morning, as Ms. Betty would say, and then he
repeats something that impacted all of us when your Mom was
teaching. I think of you and your family often. I know she is looking
down on you and smiling at what a wonderful Lady and Mother you
are.

Reply



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